Day 34: Enough Is Enough!

SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006)

Directed by David R. Ellis

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Julianna Margulies, Nathan Phillips, Rachel Blanchard, Flex Alexander, Keenan Thompson, David Koechner

After a young surfer (Phillips) witnesses a murder in Hawaii, he is placed under the protection of FBI agent Neville Flynn (Jackson) and flown to Los Angeles to testify against the mobster responsible.  Of course, the mob needs to keep the kid quiet, so they decide to bring down the plane.  But since bombs can be detected, they go with a more organic solution.  They fill the plane with hundreds of poisonous snakes who wreak predictable (and disgusting) havoc on the unsuspecting passengers.

I’ll admit that this is an interesting twist on the disaster film, but when you get right down to it, it’s still a by-the-numbers action flick.  There’s plenty of the gratuitous sex, trashy violence and foul language that you’ve come to expect over the years.  But this time, there’s snakes.  And…that’s about it.  It sounds like more fun that it really is.

To tell the truth, I found this whole movie to be a complete waste of time.  There’s really nothing to look forward to in this film.  Besides, the most exciting part of the premise is already given to you in the title!  You know what you’re going to get before you even go in, so there’s really nothing scary or exciting.  The filmmakers have already shot themselves in the foot.  But they can still get something good out of it if they special effects knock everyone out.  But, unfortunately, they don’t.  Because of the violence, they used very few real snakes and opted for some of the cheesiest CGI effects I’ve ever seen.  And the way the snakes go about killing people – biting their nether-regions, strangling and eating entire people and the like – is completely ludicrous.

The only bright spot in this whole disaster is Samuel L. Jackson, who can make even the dumbest movie at least somewhat entertaining.  And he accomplishes that here.  Julianna Margulies as a flight attendant on her last mission (of course) is pretty good as well.  Among the others on the doomed flight are a dog loving fashionista (Blanchard), a germophobic rapper (Alexander) and his video game loving bodyguard (Thompson).  All are very stereotypical one-dimensional characters who really add nothing to the story.  But then again, the story isn’t the important thing here, is it?

Part of creating suspense and terror is having characters we care about.  And I didn’t care about any of these guys.  I was just waiting to see what kind of sick fate would befall them, which I would say was the whole point this movie was made.  Oh, and to have Samuel L. Jackson state, in no uncertain terms, his attitudes towards those snakes that happen to be on that plane.  But do yourself a favor; find that clip on YouTube and save yourself from having to sit through the other 106 minutes.  Besides, that joke’s not even funny anymore.