Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Day 81: Pain Don't Hurt

ROAD HOUSE (1989)
Directed by Rowdy Herrington
Starring: Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliot, Ben Gazzara, Kelly Lynch, Jeff Healey (and his band), Terry Funk, Kevin Tighe, "Sunshine" Parker (not making that up), John Doe (that either)

A few months ago, I reviewed a documentary called Best Worst Movie, which posed a question: What is it about bad movie that we love so much?  While Best Worst Movie was about Troll 2 and its legion of devoted fans, I have to say that I have just watched a movie that, while reviled by many critics, is loved by millions of movie fans.  And that film is Road House.

The story is pretty darned simple.  Dalton (Swayze) is a bouncer who goes from town to town taking work in various dive bars around the country.  One night, Frank Tilghman (Tighe) approaches Dalton and asks for his help in cleaning up his bar, the Double Deuce.  Dalton asks for, what I'm guessing, is an astronomical fee for a bouncer, but Tilghman pays it anyway, and Dalton makes good on his word, picking up and moving to a small town just outside Los Angeles Kansas City.  And all the famous Kansas City sites are there: the rugged mountains, the palm trees, the 101 freeway.  Too bad they couldn't work in Kansas City's legendary Santa Monica Pier.  I guess it just wasn't in the budget.

Anyway, Dalton immediately begins cleaning up the Double Deuce, starting with the corrupt bouncer (played expertly by pro wrestler Terry Funk) and a bartender who's been skimming out of the cash register.  This causes them to join forces with Brad Wesley (Gazzara), who practically owns the entire town.  And he's also a completely corrupt monster, as individuals who own entire towns tend to be.  Wesley sends his goons to rough Dalton up, and he ends up needing stitches.  At the hospital, he meets his officially designated love interest in Dr. Elizabeth Clay (Lynch), who offers Dalton medical assistance, dry humor and gratuitous nudity.

Wesley calls Dalton in an attempt to make peace by buying him out, which is how Wesley solves all his problems.  But Dalton knows Wesley just wants to use him as one of his thugs, so he turns him down.  Wesley then turns his attention to Dalton's friends, prompting Dalton to bring in some backup, in the form of old buddy and fellow cooler Wade Garrett (Elliot).  And then the movie really begins.

I don't think I'm overstating it when I say that this movie is ludicrous in every way possible.  The story is completely unbelievable, the characters - while attempting to be deep - are just one-dimensional cliches, and they don't even bother to try to make Southern California look like Kansas City.  However, this mess, with all it's bar fights, rock music, gratuitous nudity and multiple explosions is a very entertaining mess.  It plays almost like a parody of action films, with every element and action trope turned up to eleven.

However, when we see Sam Elliot ride up on his Harley, look up at the sign and call that place "The Double Douche," he gives the movie something it didn't have before: credibility.  Simply put, he makes this movie.  Not only that, but he makes me wish this movie was about Wade instead of Dalton, as his character, and Sam Elliot's portrayal of that character - are superior is just about every way to Patrick Swayze's.  Not to take anything away from the late Mr. Swayze, but I have a hard time believing this guy had been in that many fights, let alone won most of them (yeah, yeah, "Nobody ever wins in a fight.").  I don't have any trouble believing Sam Elliot is a bouncer, because he looks and acts like one.

His presence in the film is a bit like imagining if John Wayne had been in Blazing Saddles.  The difference is Blazing Saddles was meant to be funny.  I don't think that's what Road House was going for, so I can't exactly called it a success.  Well, that's not entirely true.  It sought to be entertaining, and it certainly pulled that off.  It's just it took a very roundabout way to be entertaining.